In my heart I know the answer. I’m still wearing my wedding band from Josh, but my heart is in love with Syb, who lives on the other side of the Black Sea in Taiwan. Would I leave my marriage for a guy I’ve known for less than five days?
If I believed my Soul’s whisper, she said that he was the “one.” She told me that we were soul mates. That recognition came instantly when I looked Syb in the eyes when I first met him during a field hockey tournament in Jakarta (while I was married to Josh and lived in Singapore). That day, my world turned upside down. Deep down I knew I had to listen, but I also still loved Josh.
“Give me a very clear sign that I cannot miss,” I ask my Soul one night. “I want a sign that shows me that I have to take off my wedding band.” Then I’ll know that I have to leave my marriage. This statement doesn’t leave much room for guesswork.
I forget my question for a while and focus my attention on my job, which I dearly love. I am a teacher at the Dutch Elementary School in Singapore and love my children passionately.
In the meantime, Syb says that I have to try to make my marriage work before I consider a divorce. But what was there to try if my Soul told me to listen and leave? I ‘try’ the try, and do my utter best to focus on my marriage. It’s almost impossible.
My heart aches for Josh and Syb at the same time. I deeply feel the pain and guilt I cause to each of us. I love Josh, but I’m in love with Syb, and that’s the problem and the answer.
Then the day arrives that I know in my heart I have to leave my marriage. I will fly to Holland and divorce Josh before I meet with Syb in Taiwan. It’s the hardest decision I’ve ever made, but I do it anyway.
When I take my suitcase out of the cupboard, I have my answer and there is very little guesswork.
The cupboard in our Singaporean home is built within the high wall of our bedroom. The cupboard is high and reaches up to the ceiling. The suitcase is stacked on the top of the cupboard, and I need to climb a ladder to get to my suitcase.
The moment I’m on top of the ladder and my hand reaches the suitcase, I hear a loud bang and I feel a stinging pain. The ceiling fan hits my ring finger hard, the left finger where I wear my wedding band. I feel a flash of intense pain, and then it happens. In a matter of seconds without giving it any thought, I pull off my wedding band and it drops to the floor.
I climb down the ladder rungs. At the bottom, I stare at my swollen finger and look at the ring on the floor. My wedding band is off, and I stare at the ceiling fan that hit my finger. Here I am, my suitcase in one hand and my wedding band off my finger.
The answer is clear, but I tremble…
When you choose to listen to your Soul, you have to move out of your comfort zone and be willing to be out of your mind.
But bear in mind that you’ll be led to your best destinies…
Always.
With love from My Soul to your Soul,
Saskia
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi, Saskia – love this post! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Beautiful reminder to follow your soul! Getting out of our own way can be challenging and rewarding!